


Trigger Happy

by romanticalgirl



Series: Spent Casings [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When her past comes back to haunt her, Willow finds she must choose her future - will it be with the man she's loved forever or the man she promised till death do us part?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trigger Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

Willow shut her classroom door and shifted her briefcase to her left hand. Glancing at her watch, she smiled. She still had time before her date with Xander to stop in and see Giles.

A soft, snuffling noise behind her caught her attention and caused her to turn. Something not human was in the shadows, staring at her. She couldn't see it very well, other than its glowing eyes. She stood frozen until the creature lowered its head, snarled and took a step forward. At that point, she whirled around, started running and screamed.

"Giles!"

Her heart pounded as she ran for the library, her slight heels slipping on the waxed tile. She turned the corner, losing her briefcase along the way. Struggling to keep her balance, she screamed again.

"Giles! Get the tranquilizer gun!"

She slammed through the swinging doors, nearly knocking Giles down. She kept running, sensing the thing right at her heels. The doors swung open again and a huge, black beast leapt toward her, knocking her down.

The shot rang out in the library. The dart flew with unerring accuracy at the beast, at least until it rolled, keeping Willow with it and forced her into the path of the dart. She collapsed, the phenol-barbital taking an instant effect. The animal moved on top of her, growling and sniffing. Giles reloaded the gun as quickly as he could, this time hitting his mark and knocking it out.

He set the gun down, wiping his brow as he did so. Walking quickly over to Willow, he tugged the animal off of her, hoping she was able to breathe underneath its weight. Rolling the beast over, he grabbed its forelegs and pulled it into the rare book cage. Digging a couple of blankets out of the storage cabinet inside the cage, he placed them over the beast and left, locking the door behind him.

Willow, he gathered in his arms, and carried her over to the table. He lay her out on it, trying to make her comfortable. He bunched up his jacket and lay it under her head as a pillow then sank into a chair.

"It was supposed to be an early night, Willow." He sighed, glancing over at the werewolf in his cage. "Instead it's going to be quite a long day."

***  
Xander slammed into the library, much as Willow had done hours before. His brown eyes were frantic, surveying the room in mere seconds. When his eyes landed on Willow's prone body, he relaxed then tensed again. "Is…is she okay?"

Giles was about to answer when Buffy charged into the room, running into Xander. They both tumbled to the floor and he couldn't help but laugh. "Why don't you both come in and sit down? There are some…rather unusual circumstances here."

They managed to make it to their feet and join him at the table. Buffy sat next to Giles, while Xander sat on the table, taking Willow's head onto his lap. His eyes were no longer frantic, merely concerned. "What happened, Giles?"

He related the story, gesturing over to the cage where the werewolf was contained. "It's been so long, I can't be sure that it's Oz. But I can think of no other person it would be."

"Katherine." Xander said softly. He explained what Willow had told him and sighed. "It's most likely one of them, but I don't know which." He looked up at the skylight. "And we won't know for a while."

Buffy got up and walked over to the cage. "I'm going to guess from the way it reacted to Willow that it's Oz. I would think Katherine wouldn't have given her a chance. But why would Oz come to Sunnydale if he and Willow were through?"

"Connor." Xander's voice was tortured. His greatest fear was coming true and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He and Connor were becoming closer every day, he and Willow were…well, he liked to think they were falling in love and becoming a family. Now, he looked at the cage, now they were right back where they'd started. "He came back for his son."

"Xander, I'm…"

"No. It's okay. We'll deal with it tomorrow. I'll call Willow's folks and tell them she's staying with me. Is there someplace more comfortable we can put her? Can I use the couch in your office, Giles?"

The librarian nodded and helped Xander carry Willow's unconscious form into his office. "She's liable to be out much longer than Oz or whomever the werewolf might be," Giles said softly. "There was enough of the drug to stop a small elephant. Which Willow is most decidedly not."

"She'll be okay though, right?"

Giles put his arm around Xander's shoulders. "She'll be fine."

***  
The sun filtered into the library through the hazy glass of the skylight. Xander shook his head as the quiet popping sound that meant the transformation was taking place came from the book cage. He climbed off the table and walked over to the doorway.

The hair receded, the body shrunk and changed shape, and suddenly a pair of worried green eyes were looking up at him. "Hey."

"Oz."

"I guess I made it back to Sunnydale."

Xander nodded. "That you did."

"Is Willow here?"

"She's in the office. She took one of the darts, so she's a little passed out. I brought some clothes. They're probably not going to come close to fitting, but I figured you probably don't want all of us seeing you naked."

"Thanks."

"Get dressed. I'll go get Buffy and Giles." Xander walked away, his mind racing. He'd had all night to try and figure out what Oz's reappearance meant for his relationship with Willow and Connor, but he hadn't come to any conclusions.

Oz grabbed the clothes and put them on slowly. They were baggy but, as Xander had said, better than being naked. He imagined Willow wouldn't even want to see him that way now. After all the pain and heartache they'd been through, he didn't even know if she'd want to see him at all.

He moved out of the cage and sat at the library table. Chances were they all knew about him now, and he didn't want to upset or worry anyone by going to look at Willow all alone. It was almost funny. He'd been married to her for three years and he was afraid to see her alone.

"Hey Oz." Buffy entered the library and gave him a hug.

"Hey Buffy." He smiled at her, a quick grin that reminded her high school. "You look good."

"Thanks. Giles and Xander are right behind me. Willow's going to be out for a bit."

"Xander told me." He sighed. "I didn't mean to attack her or frighten anyone. I just didn't know what else to do."

"It's going to be okay." She nodded at him. "Somehow."

Xander and Giles came into the room then. Giles greeted Oz, apologizing for the tranquilizer dart, and they all sat at the table. "Shall we discuss this, or shall we wait for Willow?"

"Not necessary." Oz's voice was loud in the quiet room. His green eyes were locked with those of his ex-wife. "Hey, baby."

"Oz."

Xander closed his eyes, wishing that he didn't have to hear all the emotion in her voice when she said his name. He had been her husband. He was the father of her child. "How you feeling?" He smiled at her and moved over to help her to the table. He had to be strong. If he attacked Oz or screwed this up in any way, he was going to lose her and Connor forever.

"Oddly enough, like I got hit by a tranquilizer dart." She swayed a little as he led her to a chair. She smiled at Giles' abashed look. "You saved me. Don't be upset."

"Yeah, if anyone should be sorry, it should be me." Oz said. It was almost funny, Xander thought. He'd been thinking the same thing. "I owe you all an apology and an explanation. And after that, I'm hoping against hope that you'll help me."

"Help you?" Willow's voice was still thick with the mixture of emotion and medication.

"I want to get away from Katherine."

***  
Oz felt laughter rising up in him at the looks on their faces, but tamped it down. "Don't look so shocked. I know it doesn't seem that way, but I…look, can I start over? Will you listen? And then you can decide if you want to help me?" His eyes sought Willow's and she nodded.

"Okay. We'll listen."

Xander nodded and watched as the others did the same. He refused to glance across the table at Willow. He didn't want to see her fall in love with Oz again. He couldn't handle it. He turned slightly so that Willow was only in his peripheral vision and looked directly at Oz.

"You all know the story of…well, you know what Willow saw. So I'll go over it a little more." Oz took a deep breath. "When Will and I got married, I was suddenly struck by this feeling of being overwhelmed. Not because I didn't love you, baby, but because all of a sudden I was responsible for you. And when we had Connor, it got even more intense."

He cleared his throat. "To make it worse, I wasn't able to be there when he was born, so the wolf in me, had some trouble accepting him at first. He…he *smelled* right, but we're not the most trusting breed when it comes to our young. But, because there was this doubt," he broke off at Willow's horrified look. "No, baby. I never doubted you or that he is my son. I…the wolf…doubted…shit."

Everyone looked startled at the profanity. Oz frustrated was a sight they weren't used to.

"Wolves base so much on smell. Connor smelled of hospitals and everything that wasn't right. So, it wasn't until a few weeks later that I could, the wolf could, accept him. But I knew he was being born. That was the first night I broke the chains."

"And that's when things went down hill. I lost my job and I started working with the band more. I felt so damn guilty that I couldn't look at Connor and automatically accept everything because of this…thing that I am. I just wanted to run away. And Katherine was the easiest way to do it."

Xander cast a quick glance at Willow to see how she was taking the story. Had she heard all of this before? Had they talked about what happened to their marriage or was it too far gone by the time it all happened? Was she still in love with him, despite her statement to the contrary?

Willow bit her lower lip. Xander was looking at her, his heart in his brown eyes. Oz was steadfastly not looking at her, guilt in his green eyes. Buffy and Giles were paying careful attention, but both were obviously uncomfortable.

"She told me she was a witch and that she sensed something supernatural about me. It was bothering me, so I told her the truth. About everything, the strain between us Willow, the difficulty with Connor, the guilt and anger I was carrying around. She understood. She commiserated. And she told me that she had a way to fix it."

Tears filled Willow's eyes as she thought about the fixing she'd done. But she stayed silent, knowing that Oz needed to get all of this off of his chest.

"And that's what we tried for a month. Then I made the mistake of telling her that you were a witch." He looked at Willow for the first time since he'd begun and flinched. Tears were trailing down her cheeks, but she wasn't making a sound. "I don't know if it was jealousy or just madness, but she changed her tactics. Every solution had to deal with sex. Mating rituals, that kind of thing. The wolf in me rebelled. Wolves mate for life."

He looked at the rest of them, avoiding Willow now. "I told her to forget it. I figured all the time I'd been spending with her would have been better used had I just stayed with my family and tried to work it out. I left. It was the night before the change and I was determined to spend time with you, Wills."

She nodded, sending more tears falling. "I remember."

"I don't know if it was something Katherine had done or not, but the sight of you…everything that night physically repulsed me." This time Willow's sob echoed through the room. Buffy got up and moved behind her friend, hugging her.

Giles spoke up. "Willow showed me the spell that Katherine used on you that first time. It was the spell working that night. It was meant to weaken your defenses to her as a man and strengthen your ties to her as a wolf. The wolf was already being called by her and that close to the full moon, he was the predominant force in your psyche."

Oz nodded. "I figured. The next day, Willow and I were barely speaking. She left a few minutes before sundown to take Connor next door. I was chained up in the basement and my mind was going crazy. Usually when I change, I don't think of anything. My normal consciousness fades into smells and lights and sounds that I don't process the same way. This time, this night, all I could see and smell and hear was Katherine. And the impulse to go to her was more powerful than anything I'd ever experienced."

Buffy squeezed Willow tight, supporting her with her strength. Xander swallowed his tears, unable to look away from the two women.

"So I unchained myself before the change took over and I waited until I transformed then I went to her. I…I bit her, which is what she was hoping for. She changed and we…we…"

"Mated?" Willow whispered. Even knowing all the events, hearing them from Oz's guilt wracked voice made them hurt.

"Mated," he nodded. "When we got married Will, I assumed that the wolf came along for the ride. Mating for life, that sort of thing. But on some level, even as the wolf, I realized I was wrong. By mating with her in wolf form, we were tied together tighter than you and I ever could be. I'm sorry."

She nodded quickly before getting up and running from the room. Everyone stood to go after her then froze. Oz sat back down. "I can't go."

Xander shook with the need to be beside her, but he knew that he couldn't. "I can't either."

Buffy started then stopped. "Go, Giles. You can tell her the things she'll need to hear."

***

Giles walked up behind Willow and stopped, unsure of what to do. She was leaning against the lockers, her head buried in her arms. Her whole body shook with her sobs. He lay a gentle hand on her shoulder and she whirled around and buried herself in his arms.

"G…Giles," she sobbed. "Why? Why did this have to happen?"

He held her, stroking her hair. "I don't know, Willow. But what happened doesn't change the way he feels about you. If it had, this wouldn't be so hard for both of you. He's frightened and hurting, just like you are. I have a feeling he's only here because he didn't have anywhere else to go."

She pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "I'm finally getting my life back on track after years of not moving. I was standing still for so long and now that I'm starting to take steps forward, he comes back and I'm right back where I started." Her sad gaze begged him for an answer. "I don't know how to do this, Giles. I can't…I love Oz. I want to help him. But I love Xander. And I'm so afraid that helping Oz is going to hurt Xander."

"I can't give you the answers, Willow. I can only tell you that we're here for you." He smiled. "It's not easy. And it's not fair. But if you love him, you have to go back in there. I wish I could tell you that you're all going to walk away from this intact…"

"But you can't. I know." She sniffed back her tears. "He's scared, you know that? Oz is. He's scared of something and he's scared to tell us."

"He may be scared, but he's here. And that means he'll tell us." He hugged her once more. "Ready to go back in there?"

She nodded. "Giles, will you promise me something?"

"Of course, Willow."

"When this talk is over, however it ends…will you remind Xander that I love him?"

A twinge of pain went through Giles as he grasped what she was telling him. Poor Xander. "Of course I will."

She looked up at him and he thought he'd never seen eyes that sad. "Oz is his father," she said softly, as though that explained everything.

Perhaps it did.

***  
The library was silent as they walked back in. Buffy took Willow's arm and guided her back to her chair. The redhead looked up at Oz and managed a trembling smile. "Sorry. Go on."

Oz nodded, holding in the urge to take her in his arms. "After that, it was all downhill. I should have done the right thing, the noble thing, and gotten out of your life right away, but I loved you and Connor too much to want to walk away without a fight. But I couldn't fight her. I don't know if it was magic, but it felt…wrong."

"I researched the spell after she told me about it," Willow said quietly. "It was a one time spell. Of course, that doesn't mean she couldn't have used something else."

"I stuck it out as long as I could. And I would have gone on longer, trying to deny her then trying to deny her to you, except one day I came home early." Willow looked up at him, questions in her eyes. Xander pressed his lips tightly together, struggling to hold onto his control. Whatever Oz was going to say next, Willow had never heard.

"You were on the phone to your mother. You were telling her how horrible things had become, how you felt as though you were doing something wrong. You defended me to her, assured her that I wasn't cheating on you, promised her I was being an attentive father. You made it seem that it was all your fault our lives were crumbling around us when we both knew it was mine."

"And then you asked her about Xander."

Xander closed his eyes, trying to pretend he was somewhere else. It had been a long time since he'd played "Anywhere but here," but he still knew how.

"And I realized that maybe, if I got the hell out of your life, you might have a chance with him. You'd given up on someone you loved for me, and I couldn't even give up on someone I didn't like. I know," he added holding up his hand to stop her from speaking. "I know that I didn't have much choice. But I felt like I'd failed you in too many ways."

"So I filed for divorce." He pressed his fingers to his eyes and rubbed them. "And it was a relief almost to be away from the mess I'd made of your life. I wanted you to be happy, so I tried to distance myself from you. But I couldn't go too far away, because I love you. And Connor."

"And then Katherine stepped in?" Willow asked.

"Yes. She frightened Connor, told him things, tried to make him think I didn't love him, didn't want him. So, as hard as it was to take myself completely out of your lives, I did it because the consequences were even worse."

Xander finally spoke. "So, if you're so afraid of what Katherine would do then, why are you here now?" He said it lightly, no animosity in his voice.

Oz nodded. "She's trying to make a pack. She's turned two of the other band members since I left Willow. I didn't know about it until recently when she tried to convince me to run with them at night. I refuse to be free, knowing what could happen, but she wants to run wild. When I found out what she was doing, I told her that she needed to release me. The wolf would pine for her during the full moon, but if she'd undo the spell, I could be free as a man."

His eyes traveled to Willow. "I could be free."

She nodded but refused to comment. Oz gave an almost imperceptible shrug and continued. "She laughed and I realized, far too late, that she was more than a little bit insane. I ran. I took a few things, piled them into the van and disappeared. I left about a week ago. I tried to get here before the full moon, but I didn't quite make it. I got the time of the sunset wrong so, instead of approaching Willow and asking her to lock me in the cage, I chased her there."

"How did you know she'd be at the school?" Buffy asked.

"I called her house. Her mom wouldn't let me talk to her, although she had to let me talk to Connor. After a while, I think she just started erasing my messages." He looked at Xander. "I got a hold of Xander the other day and asked him how Willow was. He was fairly non-committal, but he did tell me you were working here."

Willow looked across the table at him. "Why didn't you tell me, Xander?"

"He asked me not to. Said he didn't want to worry you or bother you, he just wanted to know how you were doing." Xander glared at the other man. "He lied to me."

"I had to know there was someplace I could come to you where Connor wouldn't be at risk." Oz sighed. "I didn't know how much everyone knew, so I didn't know what kind of reception I'd get. I didn't want to find myself at the wrong end of a silver bullet."

"Do you think she'll come here?" Willow stared down at her hands. "Do you think she'll come after you?"

"I don't know. But I wanted to warn you that she might. I don't want anything to happen to you or to Connor, Will."

"Well," Giles stood up. "I think I have some information to look through. Oz, could you stay for a bit and answer some other questions for me about…her?"

He nodded. "Is it all right if I get something to eat?"

"Of course. I think we could all use something, don't you?" Giles glanced around the table expecting everyone to nod.

"I have to get home." Willow said as she shook her head. "I have to get back to Connor." She glanced at Oz. "I'll bring him by the library in a while, if you'd like?"

Tears filled his green eyes. "You would?"

"Of course," she managed a small smile. "He's your son."

***  
"So, welcome back," Xander managed.

"Thanks." Swallowing hard, Oz drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "So, what do you do for a living?"

"I have a landscaping business. I redo people's lawns, make sure there are stakes handy for Buffy, should she have to fight people, and make Sunnydale a beautiful place. What do you do?"

"I…was in advertising. I don't know what I'll do now." He slumped his shoulders, staring down at his rapidly moving fingers. "Are you sleeping with her?"

Xander was about to answer, when he stopped. "You already know the answer to that, don't you? You can tell."

Oz nodded. "I wanted to see if you would tell me the truth."

"I love her."

"So do I."

"So, we're right back to senior year. You've got the official relationship, I'm the guy on the side." Xander laughed bitterly. "Only this time, you've got more than a Pez witch as your ace in the hole. You're the father of her son."

"And you never will be." Oz's tone was flat, as though this argument was the last one he wanted to be having.

"What does that mean?" Xander's voice matched his in tone.

Looking up, Oz gasped in surprise. "She hasn't told you? Oh. Shit."

"Told me what?" Xander was familiar with the sinking sensation in his stomach. Years of rejection and longing for women he couldn't have had made it like an old friend. "What hasn't she told me?"

"I shouldn't…"

"You have to." Xander met his eyes. They both knew this was a battle and for either of them to truly win, there needed to be a fair playing field. "Please?"

"There were complications when Connor was born. The doctor said she'd never be able to have another child." Sorrow laced his voice. "I'm sorry, Xander."

The younger man got up from his chair and made his way to the library doors. "Don't be. And tell Giles and Buffy that I'm not hungry. I'll meet everyone back here in a little while."

***  
Willow sat in her car, her head buried in her hands. She'd thought she had cried all her tears a long time ago. But sitting there, the two loves of her life both hoping for something good to come out of all of this, was too much for anyone to handle.

Especially her.

She knew what was right. Oz loved her. Oz was Connor's father and deserved to be with and raise his son. She also knew what was in her heart. Oz had ties now to Katherine, whether they were of his own making or not. He would always want her. He would always need her.

And more than two years of rejection and physical distaste was a little hard to forget.

She took a deep shuddering breath and started the car. Driving toward her house, she thought about Xander. He loved her. He wanted her. He loved Connor.

She loved them both. And she had no idea whom to choose. Or how.

Pulling into the driveway, she parked and climbed out of the car. Connor came out of the front door like a shot, barreling into her arms. "Mommy!"

"Hey sweetie!" She swung him around and carried him to the front door. Her mother was standing there, her eyes shining.

"How was your evening?"

"Quiet." Well, that wasn't a lie.

"What did you and Xander do?"

"Do?" A soft flush covered her cheeks. "We didn't do anything."

Sheila laughed. "I didn't mean that, Willow. It's just, this is the first time you've spent the night there. The first time you've not been here when Connor woke up. He was fine with it by the way, once he knew you were with Xander." Brushing Willow's hair back out of her eyes, she smiled. "I was just hoping…"

"I'm going to shower and change. Then I'm going out." Willow spoke stiffly. "Could you get Connor ready? He's going with me."

"Where are you going?"

"To see Oz."

***

Xander reentered the library a half-hour later hoping that everyone was still gone. He almost got his wish.

"Uncle Xander!"

Bracing himself for impact, he caught Connor as he leapt at him and swung him around. The little boy laughed happily.

"Guess what?" Connor's excited voice seemed to fill the empty library.

Xander only wished it could fill the empty place in his heart. "What?"

"Guess!"

"Um," Xander changed his hold and swung him up to his shoulders. "You're going to be an astronaut?"

"Nope. Guess again."

"You've turned purple and your insides are made of marshmallows?"

He giggled happily. "You're bein' silly! Now guess!"

"You're going to…" he stopped as Willow came out of the office. She looked amazing. Her hair was done up in some intricate twist and the dress she was wearing seemed to float around her. "…tell your Mom how amazingly beautiful she looks."

As Connor began wiggling, Xander lowered him to the ground. "No silly! My Daddy's going to visit me." He stopped bouncing and tilted his head. "If he's gonna be my daddy again, what will you be?"

"Alone," Xander whispered. Seeing Connor's expectant gaze, he gave him an impish smile that he was pretty sure cost him his heart. "I'll still be your Uncle Xander. We'll still do stuff and have fun."

"Will you still love mommy?"

Willow's eyes widened as the library doors opened behind the two boys. She was beginning to regret bringing him here to the library. Beginning to regret putting Xander through this.

Why couldn't life be simple?

"I'll always love your Mommy, Connor. She's my best friend."

The doors swung shut behind the other three and Connor immediately turned. Oz swallowed hard and knelt down. "Hey Con…"

His sentence was cut off as his son collided with him. They tumbled to the floor together, holding each other tightly.

Willow' breath caught at the sight. Then her gaze traveled to Xander, and tears filled her eyes.

Was she doomed to always have to choose between these two men?

Giles walked into the library and gestured to the table. "I took the liberty of assuming you would all help, since it is Saturday."

Xander sat at his regular seat across from the computer. "Just call me research guy."

Buffy sat next to him, resting her hand on his knee. She bent forward. "Why are you so keen to help?"

"The sooner this is over, the sooner we can all go back to our lives. Willow will have her family and I'll have nothing."

"Xander."

"Okay," he smiled. "I'll have you. In a purely platonic way, of course." He watched for a brief moment as Willow helped Connor and Oz up from the floor. "She looks amazing, doesn't she?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah."

"She got dressed up for him." He took a deep breath to hold back his tears. "I thought I had more of a chance, but apparently I wasn't even a consideration."

***  
Oz was finally sequestered in Giles' office, answering a barrage of questions. Connor was curled up in a chair behind the circulation counter taking his afternoon nap.

Buffy glanced at her two original Slayerettes and sighed. "I'm going to get a soda. You guys want?"

"No thanks." Xander turned the page of his book without even looking up.

"Come with me, Wills?"

"Wh…" Buffy grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the room before she could even finish the word. Outside the double doors, she pulled away from the Slayer. "What was that for?"

"We need to talk."

Willow shook her head. "No. I know what I'm doing."

"So do I. You're breaking Xander's heart."

"You don't understand."

"I do. You feel guilty. You feel like you owe Oz something. Or maybe you think you owe Connor something, but you owe yourself something too. You didn't cause your marriage to fall apart, Willow."

"You heard him today Buffy. He left because I still loved Xander."

Buffy sighed in exasperation. "You weren't even listening to what he said, were you? You were just listening for what you wanted to hear. Are you so afraid that what you have with Xander is a fluke that you're just willing to throw it away to run back to a relationship that's already failed once?"

"I have his son!"

"And you have Xander's heart!" Buffy tried to calm down, but found she couldn't. "Connor will always be Oz's son no matter who you're with or what you're doing. Nothing can ever change that. And Oz will always love him. No matter what, Willow. But Xander's heart…"

"Is something that I've wanted since I was a child." Willow glared at the Slayer. "And now I have it and you think I'm throwing it away. Well, I'm scared. I'm scared that the only reason I have his heart is because he feels bad that he hurt me so long ago. That he feels sorry for me."

"You don't believe he loves you?"

"I don't know what to believe."

"Then you're an idiot." Buffy turned and walked away.

Willow stared after her for a long while. She sank down on the hallway floor and sighed. She loved Oz. He was the man she'd married, believing that it would be forever. But Oz was the man who had left her for another woman. Who'd turned her away for so long.

He was the father of her child.

But Buffy was right. He would always be that, no matter what.

Did she owe him another chance? Did he want one? Did she?

"Wills? You okay?" Xander sat down beside her and leaned back against the locker. "I imagine this was all a pretty big shock to you."

"Yeah."

"I want you to know that whatever happens…I'll always be your friend, Wills. And I don't want us to lose touch the way we did before." He stared down at his hands. "I love you, Willow."

"I love you too."

"And I'll wait until you've made a decision and I'll honor it."

"Xander?" She turned to look at him, her green eyes shiny with tears. "What did you do while I was gone?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

He laughed. "I had dinner with your folks once a week and I begged information from your mom. But she always kept the big things from me, apparently. She'd just say that you were fine and doing well and no, you weren't coming home any time soon."

"Oh. When we were in high school…after the fluke?" She waited for his nod, making sure he knew what she was talking about. "After they found us…did you…did you ever…"

"I thought about you every day. I tried not to. I tried to do everything to get you out of my head and my heart. I…well, there was Faith and I tried so hard, Wills." His eyes pleaded with her. "But you wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't see past you anymore."

"I want you to know, Xander, that I do love you." She took his hand in hers and tried to remember what it was to be young and innocent. "But right now, for Connor's sake, I have to deal with helping Oz get away from Katherine. After that, I'll be able to deal with me. And you. And Oz."

"I'll wait."

She smiled. "I know."

***  
They waited until Buffy joined them then made their way back to the library. Buffy went inside and Willow was about to follow her, when Xander grabbed her arm lightly. His brown eyes were serious. "I know that I just made this grand speech and promised I'd wait no matter what. But…just in case you choose him?"

"We're not supposed to." She smiled.

"Exception for…" He stopped as her lips found his and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Losing himself in the feel and taste of her, Xander gathered her to him and held her tightly to him. Everything he was he poured into the kiss. His love, his faith, his hope for their future was there in one simple touch.

Willow pulled away, slightly dazed. "I wish we'd done that a long time ago, Xander."

"So do I, Wills. So do I." He smiled and took her hand, leading her into the library. Oz and Giles were just coming out of the office and they all gathered around the table.

"I think we've figured out what will happen." Giles checked the book he had open in his hand. "I believe very strongly that Katherine will come to Sunnydale. I don't believe that she'll come during the full moon, however, as that is when Oz will be at his strongest. While she has control over the wolf's…"

"Needs." Oz said quietly.

"Needs, she does not have control of his strength, especially since she too will be affected." Placing the book on the table, Giles removed his glasses. "But she'll want the advantage of being in wolf form."

"That doesn't make sense," Buffy stated.

"I believe she'll be here the night after Oz's last change and she'll use a spell to transform herself and the rest of her pack into wolves. They'll come after Oz and use their strength against him."

"When they hunt in packs, they're pretty hard to escape or resist." Oz sighed.

"So, what can we do?" Xander asked.

"This is the part I'm not so sure about." Giles glanced at Willow. "We want you to perform a spell that will transform Oz into a wolf as well. Then she'll be at a disadvantage."

"How will it be different?"

"With the spell we've found, Oz will retain many of his human characteristics, such as his speech and thought processes."

"Like Michael J. Fox in Teen-Wolf?" Xander asked.

Oz nodded. "Except no basketball. Unless she challenges me to a game."

Xander laughed, wishing he could hate him. "At least you're taller as the wolf."

Clearing his throat, Giles continued. "We're going to set a trap for her and her friends. Since none of us wants to kill her or any other members of the pack, we're going to have to use tranquilizer guns and ropes. I'm going to need everyone's help."

Everyone nodded. Willow's troubled eyes caught his. "Giles? What about Connor? What if she goes after him?"

"I think you should have your parents take a trip for a day or two and take Connor with them. I think Oz is her main objective, so he should be safe if he's out of town. But I'm not in any way sure." His expression was deadly serious. "I can't offer any guarantees, Willow."

"Who expects guarantees on the Hellmouth?" She asked quietly. Her eyes traveled to Oz. Once more their lives were at risk. Once more their son's life was threatened. "You know, this kid has so many enemies, you'd think he was a Slayer."

Buffy giggled. "That would throw the Watcher's Council for a loop, wouldn't it?"

Willow walked over to the circulation counter and stared down at her son. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. They'd all been that innocent once. Casting a quick glance at her ex-husband, she sighed, wondering how long the innocence would last.

***

Oz leaned back against the wall of the school and tossed the ball to Connor. The boy ran, laughing crazily, chasing the ball before throwing it back to his father. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Oz looked over to the doors of the school. Xander stood there, watching Connor intently.

"Want to play?"

Xander nodded and they all formed a triangle. They took turns tossing the ball to Connor, who was pretty sure he was in heaven. "Daddy?"

Oz and Xander both looked at him, Xander dropping his eyes quickly. Oz took a deep breath. "Yeah?"

"Are you gonna be my daddy for good now?" Connor tossed the ball to Xander. "I just wondered cause I like Xander too, and I was wondering if maybe you could both be my daddy."

Oz opened his mouth to say something, but found he didn't know what to say. Xander tossed the ball to Oz and knelt down. "Connor, you remember what I said about what it takes to be a Daddy?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it still takes all those things. Oz is your father. He's always going to be your father, no matter where you are or what you do. And he'll always love you, just like your Mommy will. As for me, well, I told you I'd always be your friend and I'll always love you too. So for now, maybe you shouldn't worry about it, just worry about having fun and eating all the Twinkies you can."

His green eyes narrowed and he observed Xander closely. "Do you have any Twinkies?"

Oz laughed aloud. "You've certainly wormed your way into his heart."

"His stomach, anyway." Xander laughed too. He looked at his watch. "We called for pizza. It should be here soon."

"I'm going to have to…" Oz stopped, conscious of his son watching him. "Willow's going to have to take Connor home soon. The sun's going to set in about an hour."

Xander nodded. "They're devising a strategy right now. I think they're going to play the Grandpa trump card. Mr. Rosenberg enjoys eating with him, says it reminds him of how much he loved having a lot of kids in the house. Jesse and I would raid the Rosenberg kitchen on a regular basis when we were kids. I take it they don't know about Willow's…condition?"

"I don't know if she told anybody." Oz tossed the ball back to Connor. "I told her it didn't matter. Of course, I don't know how it went over, since at the time, I could barely manage to look at her anyway." Sighing, he sank down onto the grass. "I wish I could take it all back, you know?"

"Yeah. Hurting Willow was something I was really good at for a long time." Xander sat next to him. Connor, seeing two unsuspecting targets, ran at them, tackling them both. They caught his wriggling form and tickled him until tears were rolling down his chubby face. When he got away from them, he ran after the ball and started running circles around them.

"I think the Twinkies might make him hyperactive," Oz observed dryly.

"I want you to know, I…I think you're a nice guy, Oz. And I think that you truly love her. But that doesn't mean I think you're the best guy for her. And I'm going to fight for her." Xander stood up as the pizza delivery car pulled up. "And I'm determined to win."

***  
Oz snarled and paced the length of the cage, his eyes glinting yellow in the dim light of the library. Willow cast a quick smile in his direction, trying hard to disguise the uneasiness she felt being around him in this state now. She moved a little bit closer to Giles, reading the spell over his shoulder. "Do you think this is the same spell Katherine will use?"

"I'm not sure. It's hard to know what she's capable of. The spell you showed me that she used to entice the wolf was fairly basic. However, it was also fairly obscure, so I fear that she's well equipped when it comes to information."

"Where did you find this spell?"

"Well," Giles removed his glasses and smiled at her. "When we first realized we had a werewolf on our hands, back when you were all in high school, I did quite a bit of research. I came across this spell when I was looking for information on controls. I had hoped to find something that would allow you and Oz to spend some time in the moonlight."

She blushed. "You're a romantic at heart."

He shrugged, obviously embarrassed. "Well, I hated to see how sad you would get sometimes, staring out at the full moon with all of your romantic inclinations shining in your eyes."

Giggling, Willow impulsively hugged him. "Hopefully not all of my inclinations." Giles blushed as well. Oz growled and leapt at the cage. Willow pulled back from the hug, surprise in her eyes. "Guess he doesn't like me touching you."

"Either that," he moved closer to the cage to observe his behavior more closely. "Or he senses something."

All of the happiness that had buoyed her earlier slipped away. "Katherine?" Oz snapped his jaw in Willow's direction and she nodded. "Katherine."

"She's in Sunnydale then." Giles nodded. "And on the loose. I'd better call Buffy."

"I spoke to my parents when I took Connor home. I told them that Katherine was coming to town and I thought it would be better for Connor to be out of her grasp. They agreed with me and are heading out of town tonight. Connor was upset, since he wanted me, Oz and Xander to go along, but I convinced him that we were planning a surprise party for him and he couldn't be here."

"Hopefully it won't turn out like the last surprise party we had," Giles moved over to the table and picked up his book. He glanced up at Willow. "Is his birthday coming up?"

"In a week. I was going to tell everybody this week, but with," she gestured at Oz. "This, I didn't even think about it. Well, that and the tranquilizer dart kind of knocked me for a loop."

"I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay." She smiled and sat at the table. "Do you think she'll attack us tonight?"

"No. I don't think she'll take the risk. It would be too easy for us to free Oz. Not only that, but when they're in full wolf form, the male wolf is the leader. The others in the pack would defer to Oz, not Katherine. She's going to want to have the advantage of being dominant."

"Dominant women?" Xander walked in, drinks in hand. "I'm already liking this conversation."

Willow took a soda from him, but not before she slapped his arm. "We're talking about Katherine. And I think she'd be a little too dominant for even you, Xander."

He shivered and sat next to her. "Yeah, I'm gonna agree with you on that one. So, where are we on the research thing?"

Giles stood up and walked to the phone on the counter. "I'm going to page Buffy."

Willow nodded. "We think Katherine is in town already, although we don't think she'll come after Oz yet. But Giles wants Buffy to be on the alert."

Xander sank down into his chair and reached for Willow's hand. "It's going to be okay, you know. Everything always is."

"If you don't count things like Jenny and Kendra dying and Faith and Angel turning bad, right?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Right. You have to not count those things."

She put her hand on top of his and smiled. "I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it. I'm not worried, really. We're a good team, the four of us. And Oz will do what he can." She glanced at the beast that was her ex-husband. "He'll do it for Connor, and I hope for himself. He needs to be free of her. He's lost weight, which he really can't afford to do. He looks worn."

"He's going to be okay too, Wills. He came here for help, and we'll give it to him."

She laughed softly. "You know what's funny, Xander? If it hadn't been for me, you and Oz probably would have been friends."

"We are friends, Will. Because of you and because, well, Oz is a nice guy. And if you ever tell anybody that I said that, I'll deny it." He rolled his eyes. "And we'll get him away from the she-wolf and he can have his life back."

"Even if his life includes me?" She hadn't meant to ask the question, but it came out anyway.

He looked down and took his hand away. "Yeah. Even if it includes you. I'm not going to lie to you, Willow. I want you to choose me. I want you to admit that we're meant to be together, best friends and more. But if you love him, and he's the man you want, I'll step aside."

"You've grown up nice, Mr. Harris."

He shook his head. "Nah, I just asked Giles what I should say to sound mature." Her laughter delighted him. Pulling the book from in front of her, he looked down at it. "This is the spell?"

"Yep."

"Is there any risk to you? Or Oz?"

"Not that we can tell. You, Buffy and Giles will be with me when I cast it so I'm not afraid. And after Oz turns, he should remain human enough that we'll all be safe. Katherine and the rest of the pack, well, I admit I'm a little worried about them. I have a sneaky suspicion they're not going to want to play by our rules."

He nodded. "I think you might be right."

***  
Giles unlocked the door of the cage and walked back over to the table, yawning hugely. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, setting his tea on the table with the other. Willow was curled up asleep on the chair in his office and Xander was face down on the table.

He looked up at the clock just as Buffy bounded into the library. "Sheesh, what's with the sleepyheads?"

"They were all up until about five this morning, doing research. How did patrol go last night?"

"Well," she set down the box she was carrying and sat next to Xander, nudging him in the ribs. He groaned and lifted his head. "I didn't see any sign of our new werewolf-y friends, if that's what you're asking, but I did see lots of wildlife that was no longer wild."

Xander rolled his neck, trying to work the kinks out of it. "So they're here, just hiding?" He opened the box Buffy had brought and grabbed a donut. "How much has Oz told her about us? Do we know that?"

Giles took a jelly donut and bit into it. Buffy grabbed the other and shrugged. "Don't know. We know she knows Willow is a witch, but we'll have to ask him about the Slayer thing. She could be in hiding, knowing that I'd be on the lookout."

Xander nodded. "He should be awake soon, we can ask him then."

The phone rang, startling all of them. A soft moan came from Giles' office followed by Willow's voice as she grabbed the receiver before the phone could ring again. "Library," she muttered sleepily. She sat up immediately at the voice on the other end. "Hey sweetie."

The group watched her through the doorway. Xander held up the box of donuts for her to see. She nodded and he grabbed one for her. He took it to her, listening to her side of the conversation.

"Well, you be good and have fun with Grandma and Grandpa, okay? And remember, if you're not good, you don't get a surprise." She smiled at Xander as she took her breakfast from his hand. "Yes. I love you too. Daddy's sleeping. No. Yes. Do you want to say hi?" She handed the phone to Xander. "Connor."

"Really?" He grinned and took the phone. "Hey mister." He listened as the little boy described his trip in detail, even though he'd slept most of the time they'd been gone. "All right. I'll tell him. You want to talk to your Mommy again? Okay. Have fun. Be good." He listened for a moment. He smiled widely. "I love you too."

He hung up the phone and tried not to smile. Willow shook her head. "It's okay to smile."

"He told me he loves me."

"He does."

Xander nodded and sat on the arm of her chair. "I've never had a kid tell me that before." He blushed. "Other than you when we were five."

"Well, I was a misguided soul."

"Thanks." He looked up as Oz appeared in the doorway.

"Buffy said Connor was on the phone? Is he okay?"

"Yeah." Willow stood up and stretched, unaware of the appreciative gazes they both gave her. "My folks have him out of town and he wanted to call and let me know that he was having a wonderful time, even though he misses all of us, and we'd better have a really good birthday party for him when he gets back."

"And he loves you," Xander added.

Oz gave him a strange look. "Okay."

"He wanted to say hi, and he told me to tell you he loves you, since Willow had told him you were asleep. And when is his birthday?"

"Next week." Willow watched Oz's face. He wouldn't look at her. "Oz?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking of the last party we had for him." He turned and walked to the table in search of breakfast.

Xander watched him, waiting until he was out of earshot before turning to Willow. "What happened at the last party?"

Her green eyes were dark and he could see the pain in them. "I walked in on him and Katherine having sex."

***

Xander stood frozen in the doorway, his eyes wide. Willow walked up to Buffy and grabbed another donut out of the box as she started talking to the Slayer. He turned toward Oz who was leaning against the circulation counter. He was staring at the cage, an angry look on his face.

Taking a deep breath, Xander walked over and stood in front of him. "Can I talk to you?"

"No." Oz shook his head. "Because at this point, I don't want to hear anything you're going to say. I have enough guilt over everything that caused my marriage to fall apart without having to listen to your opinions on it."

"Tell me what happened?" Xander deliberately swallowed his anger. Whatever had happened had happened a long time ago. "This woman hurt Willow, Oz. Tell me about it so that I can fight her."

Oz pressed his lips together before nodding toward the library doors. Xander followed him silently. He wondered if he was doing the right thing. Oz stopped in the student lounge and sat down on one of the sofas. Xander sat across from him. Oz's green eyes met Xander's dispassionately. "What would you like to know?"

"What kind of things did she do to Willow?" Xander stared at his hands, not wanting to meet the other man's eyes.

"Well," Oz spoke softly. "I'm guessing you mean other than destroying our marriage, as you probably see that as a good thing."

"Hey, I'm on your side here. I want this woman out of your life so that she'll stay the hell out of Willow and Connor's. Maybe my motives aren't completely altruistic, but they're still good motives."

Sighing, Oz closed his eyes and lay his head on the back of the sofa. "The first thing she ever did was kiss me goodnight. She and the rest of the band had come over for dinner. The rest of the guys had left and so she, Willow and I were talking. She was ready to leave, so I offered to walk her out to her car."

"Was this before or after the biting?"

"Before. She was still trying to help me, or so I thought. I opened her door for her and just as she was about to climb in, she leaned forward and kissed me. Not much of a kiss, one you could easily write off as friendly." He thought about Willow's face, hidden in the darkness as he looked up to see her in Connor's bedroom. Where Katherine must have seen her. "Willow saw. And from her vantage point, it probably looked a lot worse."

"There were other small things after that, although they were more for my benefit than for Willow's. I think they may have been part of the spell, trying to entice me." Oz looked up at the ceiling, wondering if he was doing the right thing. He'd never had anyone he could tell all of this to. He looked at Xander. "After the biting, it got worse. I couldn't touch Willow without feeling physically ill. I couldn't look at her half the time, between the guilt and the pull of Katherine."

"Willow mentioned it to me."

Oz's eyes widened for a brief instant. "But I stayed with Willow and Connor. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I could have saved Willow a lot of pain if I had just walked away. But I had a one-year-old son and the woman I'd loved. I couldn't give them up. So for the second year of Connor's life, Willow put up with me not being home, with me wanting to be with someone else, and with Katherine becoming a part of our family."

His hands were trembling and he clenched them together to try to stop it. "It got to a point that I couldn't stand not to have her near me. I volunteered to leave, but Willow was insistent that I stay at home. I moved out of Willow's bedroom and stayed in the guestroom. Katherine never stayed the night, but when she was there, we would…touch and kiss…" He was silent for a long time, trying to get his emotions in check. "All the things I used to do with Willow. And she would just sit there in silence, pretending she didn't see."

Xander felt the anger boiling inside of him. He wanted to scream at Oz for putting Willow - sweet, innocent, loving Willow - through such torture. Although, if he knew Willow, she'd done everything she could to keep her family intact.

"The day of Connor's third birthday party, Willow was out getting a few last minute things. I was watching Connor and Katherine came over. She'd agreed not to that day, since we didn't want to have to explain our relationship with any of the neighbors. As it was, we'd pretty much isolated ourselves as much as we could. Connor was watching TV, Scooby Doo I think, which I found highly appropriate." He tried to laugh, but he couldn't quite manage it. "She came in, wearing a trench coat and nothing else. She straddled me where I was sitting on the couch and…"

"And Willow came in?"

"Not right away," Oz shook his head. "No, when she came in, we were on the floor, Connor watching. Willow walked in with her arms full of party things and presents and three of the neighbors behind her."

"Poor Willow."

"Yeah." Oz rubbed his forehead. "I filed for divorce the next day and rushed it through. She didn't contest it, although she did insist that I got partial custody. I'd go to the house once a week, alone, and spend a couple of hours with him."

"But?"

"It got so that I couldn't spend any time away from her without incredible…pain…longing. She's wealthy, so I quit my job and stayed near her. Willow allowed her to come with me to visit Connor, as long as she was in the house. But by then, he was old enough to understand some things and he was scared of her. Not that I blame him. Hell, I'm scared of her."

Xander sat silent for a long time. "I'm guessing there's a lot more that you're not telling me?"

"I can't possibly tell you four years of horror stories, Xander. Suffice it to say, Willow has every reason in the world to hate me. It's only because she *is* Willow that she doesn't."

Xander stood and walked over to the window, his mind racing. "No, she doesn't hate you, does she? If anything, I would say she's still in love with you."

"Willow," Oz said slowly as he walked toward Xander, "has a tendency to mix love and loyalty. You of all people should know that."

Xander turned quickly, his punch landing solidly on Oz's jaw. His breathing was harsh, anger in every line of his body. "I'm guessing you felt like you deserved that, so you provoked me to it. If you need to believe that, fine. But I'll tell you this, I may have hurt Willow by not seeing her all those years ago, but I have never and will never betray her the way that you did. You were always so fucking noble in high school. You were the good guy. You always saw her for what she was and what she could be. But you're just like all the rest of us, a wolf in sheep's clothing. It just took longer for the disguise to fall away."

Oz started to reply, but Xander shook his head. "No. You let her suffer because of what you wanted. You let her go through years of agony. And she still loves you, for some unknown reason." He stepped away, his brown eyes questioning. "How do you live with yourself?"

Oz sighed as Xander ran off. Sinking back down onto the couch, he buried his head in his hands. "I don't know, Xander. I really don't."

***  
Willow glanced up as Xander strode into the library. His body was tense and she sighed heavily. She'd wanted to stop them, but Buffy wouldn't let her. She'd said they needed to work things out between them. She'd said they had to deal with things in their own way. And, she said that if what she'd overheard was true, Xander had some serious anger to get off his chest.

He ignored the two women as he walked up the steps and into the stacks. He disappeared for a long while, staying gone even when Oz walked back in almost a half-hour later. Willow looked up from the spell when Oz came in. Concern filled her eyes as she saw him touch his tender jaw.

"Are you okay?"

"Nothing an ice pack won't cure." He raised his eyebrows. "Are they still in the same place?"

Buffy nodded, "I'll get it. You should sit down."

Oz slumped into a chair. "Okay." He smiled at Willow, trying to allay her concerns. "Don't worry, Will. I deserved it."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Remember Valentine's Day that year that Xander cast the love spell?" He laughed at her embarrassed nod, then winced with the pain. "Well, I clocked him one in the library for making you cry to me about him. Let's just say payback's a bitch."

"Talking about me, Oz?"

Willow stiffened, the warm, honeyed voice like ice in her veins. There was a soft, musical tone to it, perfect for singing. Oz looked away from Willow, his eyes wide. His heart sped up in his chest and he gripped the edge of the table with all of his strength.

Slamming the book of spells closed, Willow stood. "Well, he did say bitch, didn't he?"

"Oh, did the little woman finally get a backbone?" Katherine sauntered into the room, stopping just behind Oz's chair. He had yet to turn and look at her, and Willow could see the strength it was costing him.

"Who's this, Willow?" Buffy stepped out of the office. Her eyes traveled over the woman, obviously scrutinizing her. Katherine had rich, chestnut hair, a fair complexion and olive green eyes. Her figure was similar to Cordelia's - curvy and womanly, without being overly so. She was dressed in a short skirt, and a black silk shirt. "Avon lady?"

Katherine reached out, her hands resting lightly on Oz's shoulders. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, his fingers practically leaving impressions in the wood of the table. "Are you one of Oz's friends?"

Buffy just raised her eyebrows and refused to comment. Katherine laughed and moved her hands over Oz's shoulders and down his chest, resting her chin on top of his head. Xander came out of the stacks and stared down at her, his hatred obvious in his eyes.

"You must be Xander," she said lightly. Her eyes sought his and she smiled at his defiance. "Willow's grade school sweetheart. Still defending her, I see." She left Oz and started toward Xander. "You look strong."

"Can I help you, Miss?" Giles' voice was strong as he stepped out of the office and confronted Katherine. "If not, I'm afraid you're on school property unsupervised. And that's not allowed."

"I've come for Oz."

"I see. And Oz? Did you want to go?"

Tortured green eyes looked from Willow to Giles to Katherine. Pain was shooting through his body as he resisted her. She seemed to be calling to him, in a voice only the wolf could hear. "No," he managed to whisper.

"Really?" Katherine asked mockingly. "I find that hard to believe."

Willow forced herself up from her chair and walked over to Oz, casually draping herself on his lap. She put her arm around his shoulder and hugged him, silently praying he wouldn't pull away. "You have no hold on him anymore," Willow smirked. And, before anyone could speak or question, she bent her head and captured Oz's lips with her own.

Katherine laughed, filling the library with the sound. Despite her mellifluous voice, the sound was ugly and hateful. "We shall see, little witch. We shall see." She started for the doors of the library, stopping only when she reached them. "Although I have to wonder, Willow, my dear, if you've got such a good hold on him, why you sent your son out of town."

***  
Willow climbed off Oz's lap and managed to make it back to her own chair, despite her shaky limbs. Buffy walked over to her, setting Oz's ice pack on the table. He was stretching his fingers, trying to get the feeling back into them.

"You okay, Wills?"

"I don't like her." She glanced over at Oz. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." He smiled. "Sorry you had to do it."

"I don't mind kissing you. Although it would be nicer if you could kiss back."

Oz flinched as her heard the sound of a door closing. Xander had just left by the back entrance to the library. Hearing that probably hadn't helped. "Well, hopefully by this time next week, I'll be able to."

She smiled then looked around. "Where's Xander?"

Oz sighed. "I'm sorry, baby. He left."

"Oh." She looked down at her hands, remembering the night she'd taken off Oz's ring. She blushed, remembering how good it had felt to finally lose herself in Xander's touch. She looked up quickly. "I'm going to run home and shower and change. I'll be back before sundown."

"Be careful," Oz insisted. "She's still out there."

"It's not me she wants, Oz. It's you."

***  
Xander opened his apartment door, expecting to see Buffy. The sight of Willow's green eyes was almost too much to bear. He shut the door gently in her face.

"Xander!" She knocked harder until he opened the door again.

"What are you doing here, Willow?" He moved into the apartment and sat on one of the barstools that lined his kitchen counter.

"I wanted to see you." She shut the door behind her and moved over to him. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's okay. I'm used to it." He wouldn't look at her, instead staring down at the floor. "It's okay that you want to be with him. I'm sure I'll get over you."

"Xander? Shut up and hold me?"

He looked up, his eyes full of questions. "What?"

"No promises, no guarantees. But I need you to hold me right now."

He got up and took a step away from her. "No."

"What?" She asked quietly.

"You just kissed Oz and it was the same. No response. Probably took all of his willpower not to push you away. So you want someone to make you feel wanted and needed again. Well, I can't do it, Wills. I love you. And if I take you to my bed, I'm going to want you to stay there, and you can't promise me that right now. If you want a friend, if you want a shoulder to cry on, if you want someone to hug you - I'm your guy. But I'm not going to play games with my heart."

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I could, Wills. I wish I could do it. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier. But if I just wanted someone to take to bed, I wouldn't have had to wait for you to come back into my life."

She nodded. "Xander?" He met her eyes just as the tears started to fall. He grabbed her and held her to him, giving her strength as she cried.

"If you need to feel loved, Willow, I do love you. I love you so much."

Her tear stained face turned up toward his and he couldn't help but kiss the tears away. "I know you do."

***

Willow and Xander walked into the library together. The tension was still thick between them, but the edge of anger and despair was gone.

Buffy smiled. "Everything okay?"

"You'd be amazed at the difference a shower makes," Willow sighed happily.

"A…shower?" The Slayer's smile was filled with meaning.

Both Slayerettes blushed. "Not…that kind…it was *just* a shower."

"Of course it was, Will." The grin widened.

"It was! And I was alone! It wasn't even…" she stamped her foot in frustration. "We didn't do anything!"

Buffy lost her control and started giggling. "I know, but it was too easy." She managed to regain her equilibrium and stop laughing. "Okay, Oz went to the locker room to take a shower. Giles is with him, just in case Katherine tries anything. I'm going on patrol as soon as the cage is locked. Are you guys going to stay here tonight?"

Xander nodded. "Yeah. Just in case."

"Promise me you'll both be careful. Just because we think we know what she's going to do, it doesn't mean she won't do something else." Buffy slipped on a light jacket and adjusted her stakes. "I don't want anything happening to anyone. Understood?"

They both nodded. The library doors opened behind them and Giles and Oz entered. "Have you filled them in on the plan, Buffy?"

"Sure thing." She watched Oz as he entered the cage, feeling an overwhelming sense of sorrow. He couldn't help who he was or what he was. They were a lot alike in that respect. "Oz?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at her.

"We're going to beat her at her own game. I promise."

He smiled. "Thanks Buffy." He winced and moved behind the towels that lined the cage. Stripping quickly, he closed his eyes and waited for the change to overtake him.

"And I brought you some dinner," Willow held up a grocery bag. "So you won't be hungry. And I didn't buy pizza."

Oz laughed then cried out as the shifting of his bones began. The small group was silent, each thinking of how much the full moon cost him. When all was quiet, Willow stepped over to the cage. The wolf stared back at her, eyes narrowed.

"He knows Katherine is nearby," she said softly. "She's stalking him tonight."

"She won't get him," Xander promised. He grabbed the tranquilizer gun off the table and made sure it was loaded. It snapped loudly in the silence of the room as he closed it. Sitting on the edge of the table in full commando pose, he glared at the double doors. "We'll make sure of that."

***  
Willow sat on the table next to Xander, her head leaning against his shoulder. She turned slightly, smiling as he sighed softly in his sleep. The tranquilizer gun lay across both their laps and she idly ran her fingers over the barrel. Giles came out of his office and leaned against the door. "You should get some sleep."

"So should you, you were up all night last night."

"There's still research to be done before tomorrow." He pushed his glasses up to his forehead and rubbed his tired eyes. Moving over to the cage, he peered in at Oz. He was lying on the floor, panting heavily. Every so often he would growl low in his throat then whimper as though he was in pain. "I wish there was some way we could block out her voice."

"Buffy could kill her," Willow offered, her voice deceptively light.

"Is that what you want?" Giles walked over and took the gun from her hands. Setting it aside, he helped her down from the tabletop and sat her in the chair next to him.

"No," she sighed. "I don't want anyone to die, but it seems like we're the only ones that ever suffer." Her green eyes implored him. "The five of us, it's like there's never any rest or hope. It's always one horrible thing after another. She destroyed my family, tore my husband from me, broke my son's heart and now, as if that weren't enough, she comes to town at the least convenient time."

"How do you mean?"

"I was finally getting my life back on track. I was doing something I was happy with, I was spending time with my friends and family, Connor was happy, X…I was happy." She looked down at her hands to avoid looking at Xander. "And, as much as I love Oz, I was starting to get past it all, and he came back and it's all here again. The feelings of anger and rejection. The fear that it's never going to be over. I was starting to look forward to my future."

"With Xander?"

She glanced quickly at Giles before nodding slightly. "I thought I was going to be all right. We were dating, Connor loves him…but now all these complications that I thought were gone are back." She stood up and walked over to the cage. Oz's yellow eyes met hers and she felt she could sense the pain and sadness. Bending down, she stared at him for a long time. "It's not his fault, but it's still hard. I still love him. And I'll always love him, but…" She looked over at Xander, still sleeping. "I'll always love him too."

"I can't give you the answers." Giles' smile was tight and sad. "For being the answer man, I have very few of them, I'm afraid. But I do know that so much pain comes from not following your heart. And from not saying what you have to say. I wasn't afforded the time to tell Jenny all that she meant to me, and that chance will never come again."

"I don't mean to make you sad…"

"You're not, Willow." He shook his head. "But I would ask that you consider one thing?"

"What's that?"

"I don't know who would make you happy. I don't know whom you love the most. I like both of them very much and don't envy you having to choose between them." His expression was serious as she walked over to sit next to him again. "But think of this as you decide. Oz loves you very much and it was that love that held you two together, allowing Katherine to hurt you beyond measure. As much as love tries to do the right thing - Jenny kept her true identity from us, thinking she was doing the right thing - it can quite often do the wrong thing." He hugged her tightly, offering her his strength. "Unfortunately you often can't tell which it is until it's far too late."

***  
As dawn arose, Willow opened the book of spells on the circulation counter. She piled a concoction of herbs next to it and lit the candle beside her. Lighting the candle, she whispered the spell of protection for Oz's humanity. The wolf awoke, snarling viciously. She stepped around the counter and knelt before him again. "Trust me, Oz." It was half statement, half question, but it seemed to calm him.

The hazy morning rays filtered through the library, dancing with the dust motes before resting on the cage. Willow stepped back as the beams lit on Oz's hairy pelt before slowly transforming him back to human. A shiver ran through his body and he hurriedly got dressed.

Willow watched him as he dressed. His body looked much as she remembered it - just as she had spent hours memorizing it. He tried to avoid her scrutiny, but wasn't able to. "It makes me a little nervous."

"What?"

"You watching me. I feel bad, since I have no desire to return the favor." He cursed under his breath, his eyes begging understanding. "God, Willow. I want to want you. I want to need you. I want to desire you and love you the way you deserve." His face was tortured. "I want to do all those things like I used to. You were my world for so long, and it kills me to know that I'm tearing you apart."

"Oz, it's not you. I know that if it weren't for her, for her spell and the wolf, you would still be by my side. You would still be everything that we both needed you to be. I don't hold you responsible."

"Maybe you should, Willow. True, I didn't ask for this in so many words, but I wasn't being the best of husbands, otherwise this wouldn't have happened at all. If I had gone to you with my concerns or, hell, even to Giles or Xander or Buffy or any of the other people we know who specialize in the supernatural, I wouldn't have needed her help."

"We can't live in the past, Oz. It's done and happened." She unlocked the cage, belatedly realizing she hadn't done so. "It doesn't change the way we feel about each other."

"What are you going to do, Willow? If by some chance, by some freak hope we defeat her, what will you do? Who will you choose?"

"I wish I knew, Oz. I know it's not fair to either of you to keep you guessing, but I honestly don't know. I can't worry about it until I know you and Connor are safe from her."

He nodded before looking over at Xander, asleep on the table. "He loves you."

"So do you."

"Yeah. I just wish I could show you how much."

***  
The library was shrouded in darkness. Xander placed the last of the candles on the floor, completing the circle. Willow stepped inside of it, taking one last glance to assure herself it was complete. Giles did the same before handing her the book.

Buffy reached over and squeezed Oz's hand. He was trembling, although she seemed to sense it was from anticipation at the whole thing being over - for better or worse- than any nervousness. "You okay?"

"No."

She nodded and guided him to a circle opposite Willow. Handing him a handful of herbs, she stepped back. Willow met her ex-husband's eyes with her own and smiled. He returned it, hoping she could see all the love he had for her as easily as he could see hers for him. "I did a spell for protection earlier today before you changed back. I wanted to touch the human inside the wolf with it, just as tonight I'll be touching the wolf inside the human."

"Will this hurt?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

"Are you sure, Oz?" Xander's voice came as a surprise to all of them. "We don't know that this will work or if it's completely safe. You don't have to do this to prove anything to anyone."

Oz looked over at his rival and shook his head, unable to hide his grin. "Would you please quit being nice? You're making it really hard to hate you." He nodded. "I have to prove it to me. And to Connor, even if he never knows. And I need to be free. Whenever you're ready, Wills."

Taking a deep breath, Willow signaled Giles and Buffy to light the candles that formed the four points of each circle. She began chanting the spell, trying to keep all thoughts of hatred and revenge from her mind. She wanted closure for her family. Not revenge.

She wanted peace.

***  
All four stared at the circle of incense that surrounded Oz. It burst into a wall of flames, completely obscuring him from their view. Buffy took a step forward, stopped only by Oz's voice. "No."

The flames disappeared and the room was deathly silent. Willow opened her eyes. Oz was still in the circle, looking about halfway transformed. He was roughly as hairy everywhere but his face, his eyes were shaped differently, but intelligence shone from the comforting green.

His snout was more pronounced, but his mouth retained much of it's original texture. "Well?"

"You look half done." Willow bit her lower lip and glanced at the spell. "I guess that's right. How do you feel?"

"Strong. And smart." He glanced at the rest of the party, suddenly self-conscious. "I know where she is, and you were right, Giles. She's a wolf. Shall we go?"

The older man nodded. He and Buffy broke the circles and helped Willow and Oz from them. Oz prowled forward, waiting at the door as the rest of them grabbed tranquilizer guns and darts. He paced restlessly, eager to move. He could feel the pull, not as strong as it had been the previous nights, but insistent nonetheless.

"We're ready." Buffy lay the barrel across her shoulder. "Loaded for bear. Or wolf."

Xander nodded, imitating her posture. "And a little trigger happy."

***  
The woods were dark, but the waning moon provided enough light to keep them from running into anything dangerous. Buffy followed behind Oz, Giles bringing up the rear, Xander and Willow in the middle. The night seemed alive with noise. Bugs, birds and dogs cried out. One particular howl caught Oz's attention and his whole body stiffened.

He turned his head. "That's her. She's not far. Let me enter and hang back. You'll know what to do when it comes time." The Slayer nodded and he started forward. A soft sound caught his attention and he turned back. His green eyes shone in the moonlight. "I love you, Will."

He loped into the thicket before Willow's quiet reply came forth. "I love you too."

***  
He burst through the last of the trees, his senses on fire. Three wolves were lit by the fire. Katherine's coat was a deep, dark brown and her eyes glinted with madness. The other two, Oz recognized as his old drummer and bassist. They sniffed the air as he joined them, whining softly at the stink of humanity that remained on him.

Katherine's voice seemed to echo in his head. "You haven't joined us fully. Your witch modified my spell."

"Maybe," he thought back at her.

"It won't matter in the long run. I'll win. I always win." She snarled, baring her teeth.

Oz returned the favor asserting, despite his strange scent, a challenge for dominance. Katherine managed to somehow convey a grin through her canine snout and took her fighting stance. "Well then, may the best wolf win."

***

Katherine and Oz circled the fire, neither darting forward to engage the other. The two members of her pack hung back, not willing to get in the line of the challenge. Though most packs were led by the dominant male, Katherine being their sire had allowed her to persuade them to follow her. However, the strong male scent of Oz was affecting their judgement.

Katherine moved from the opposite side of the fire and took a step toward Oz. He stood his ground, unwilling to back down or show any sign of weakness. Her voice was strong in his head, but he could feel the power of his own human intelligence working against her. Intelligence that, in her wolf state, she did not have.

Buffy watched them from a break in the trees, motioning the rest of the party forward. They all stared in silence, even their breathing seeming silent. Katherine lunged toward Oz and it was all Willow could do not to cry out. Oz dodged the attack easily, his mouth slipping into a grin.

Xander reached over and squeezed Willow's hand before moving into his position. He and Giles circled around the small clearing to take up positions opposite the girls. The snap of a branch brought both Katherine and Oz's heads up. Noticing his occupation with the sound, Katherine sprang forward and sank her teeth into Oz's shoulder.

The resounding howl filled the woods, sending a shiver down Willow's spine. She clutched the gun to her chest, holding it tightly enough to keep it from shaking. Oz shook his body, throwing her off. The sharp, coppery scent of blood filled the air and Buffy cursed softly.

She wondered if vampires would be interested in wolf blood. Buffy stifled her voice, hoping that no one heard her. Oz was concentrated on the wolf in front of him, so she turned her attention to the other wolves hanging back.

Giles had warned them all not to attack any of them until Oz had the opportunity to try to win over Katherine. Once the first shot was fired, she would be gone and Oz would never be free. She caught Xander's eye and knew he was thinking the same thoughts as she.

Katherine licked the blood from her lips, triumph in her eyes. Oz lowered his head slightly, giving her the sign of submission. He heard the whimper of the other wolves. They were prisoners just as he was, only they didn't have the fortune of having his friends.

Her answering growl came slowly. She stepped to him; ready to lick the blood from his wound to show him all was forgiven. Oz waited until she was almost next to him before leaping at her, tossing her to the ground.

Her harsh cry rent the air and she struggled to get back to her feet. Oz wouldn't allow her the luxury, instead biting at her and holding her to the ground. He felt the other wolves behind him, moving forward to show their fealty to him. Katherine lay still beneath him, her eyes promising retribution.

Oz waited until she lowered her eyes in submission before stepping back. His tongue darted out, licking the blood from his mouth. His bites hadn't been deep, so he'd barely broken the skin, thick as it was beneath her thick coat of hair. He closed his eyes, reaching with his mind for her voice that seemed to live in his head.

As his eyes closed, the soft whoosh of air surrounded him and Katherine's body was on his. The full weight of her form, hard with sinew and bone, landed on him, sending him forcefully to the ground. He heard Willow's cry as Katherine's muzzle lowered to his jugular, her intent obvious. He was about to butt her with his head when he felt her forcefully ripped from him.

The other two wolves had grabbed her body and were currently ripping it to shreds, sending blood, flesh and hair flying in all directions. The smell hit him and he backed away, fighting the wolf inside him with all of his strength. He heard the soft pinging of the darts flying from the tranquilizer guns as all four of his friends shot at the carnage. One of the wolves went down hard. The other yelped in pain, tossing Katherine's body toward the fire.

Giles fired again, this time bringing the beast down. Everyone coughed as the smell of burning wolf filled the air. Oz glanced around, using his front paw to push the blood from his vision. Willow was leaning against a tree, her face slightly green. Buffy had stepped forward and was trying to separate the wolves from the pieces of Katherine. Giles moved toward Oz, concern on his face. He tried to focus, struggling against his fading sight.

Giles caught him as he fell. Laying him on the ground gently, he disappeared into the woods and returned from their stash of equipment with the spell book and the first aid kit. Buffy leaned over his shoulder and took in all of Oz's wounds. "Are you okay?"

"I can still hear her," Oz gasped. Pain shot through his entire body. "She's alive." His eyes widened and he struggled to sit up. Giles pushed him back down, none too gently.

"Not for long."

"NO!" Oz's shout forced both Buffy and Giles to look up as Katherine's mangled body left the fire, intent on Willow's pale form. He tried to make it to his feet to save her, but he knew he'd be too late. He fell forward into the dirt as the sound of impact reached his ears.

***  
Buffy, Giles and Oz managed to get to Willow in record time, but none of them was in time. The butt of the tranquilizer gun had knocked Katherine to the ground and Xander stood above her, his breath coming in harsh pants. He glared down at the fallen form.

"No one hurts my Willow."

Katherine let out one last whimper before she went limp. Oz leaned against a tree, using it as support as he sank down to the ground once again. "She's gone," he whispered. "The voice…she…" A huge, relieved smile transformed his features and, despite the wolfish cast, he looked very much like Oz. "I'm free." Tears ran down his face, seeping through the extra hair and washing away the blood. "I'm free."

Buffy supported him, helping him back to the first aid kit. Giles followed them, allowing Willow and Xander a moment of privacy. Her green eyes were like saucers as she looked at him. "You saved my life."

"It's my job."

Willow continued to stare, unable to find words. Her mind danced with images of her life, much as it had done when Katherine had lunged for her, when she'd thought she was going to die. But she hadn't. Xander had saved her.

Her Xander.

She thought of pigtails and Barbies, sandboxes and Twinkies, chocolate parties and secrets, vampires and dances, ice cream cones and broken hearts, homecoming and letting him go. She thought of everything he'd ever done to hurt her and weighed it against everything else.

She pictured her life without him.

"We should go help with Oz and the other wolves," she said quietly. "Oz might need a doctor and the others are going to be very disoriented."

"What about her?" Xander gestured to Katherine's body.

"Something mauled her," Oz offered in an eerily calm voice. "A wolf. Close enough to the truth."

Willow and Xander nodded. Picking up her gun, Willow started toward Oz. She cast a quick look back at Xander and offered him a small smile. "Shall we go then?"

Xander stared after her as she let Giles put Oz's arm around her so she could lead him back to the van. He stared after her long after they'd disappeared from site. He picked up the guns and first aid kit, handing them to Giles so that he could lift one of the wolves.

Both Buffy and Giles attempted to say something but he shook his head to stop them. "No. I don't want to hear I'm sorry. I think that's the one thing I can't possibly stand to hear right now."

***  
Xander entered the library four days later, unable to repress his smile at the amount of decorations. Balloons and streamers, toys and presents were littered around the room. Giles was standing on the steps talking to Willow's parents, no doubt expounding on the virtues of being an adopted grandfather.

The virtues and, most likely the expense, if the amount of gifts was any indication.

Oz was sitting on the edge of the table, his arm in a cast and a few bandages remaining. Xander waved and smiled, trying to keep the pain out of his face. Buffy walked out of the office with her mother and came over to him quickly.

"You okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be? I haven't seen Willow since she got her husband back. We're having a birthday party for her son, the only child she'll ever have, and she's going to tell me her decision. Not that I need her to tell me. Look at him."

Buffy looked over at Oz and shrugged mentally. She turned to Xander. "He doesn't seem that different to me."

"That's because you're not in love with her." He sighed. "And I'm going to have to hear Connor all day, calling him Daddy and wondering for the life of me if I'm ever going to get the chance to have someone call me that." He set his gift on the table as he and Buffy walked over to join Oz. Taking a deep breath, Xander pasted a smile on his face. "Where are Will and Connor?"

"Should be here soon."

"How are you feeling?"

Oz tried not to laugh at the tenseness of the conversation. But he had to give Xander credit. He was doing his best, in light of what could be a very bad situation. "Sore. But I'll take sore over enslaved any day."

"And the other guys?"

"Freaked, but Giles is helping them. He got them in touch with some counselors through the Watcher's Council. They should get themselves back together in the end."

"Great. I'm glad." He motioned at the table. "This kid's making out like a bandit."

"Yeah. He's got a lot of great people to spoil him."

Xander's reply was overshadowed by the arrival of the birthday boy and his mom. Chaos erupted as food and presents were warred over. Buffy squeezed Xander's hand and leaned over to whisper. "I'll take this kind of battle over vampires any day."

"You and me both, Buffy."

The celebration went on for at least two hours; Connor ending up almost buried in new toys and clothes. He bounced around the room from person to person, insisting on being paid attention to. He sat on Xander's lap as he ate his cake, determined to eat it as a master would.

The entire twenty minutes were the longest of Xander's life.

Finally, as Connor lay down for his afternoon nap, Willow cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. Closing his eyes, Xander tried to force his heart back down in his chest. He sank into a chair, his knees suddenly no longer strong enough to support him.

"I don't know that it's fair to do this in this setting, but I want to only have to do this once." Her eyes went from Oz to Xander. "I guess everyone knows that I'm staying in Sunnydale. I have the job here and I want to be near my family." She moved her gaze to take in her parents, Buffy, Giles and Joyce. "All of you."

Taking a deep breath, she went on. "That's one of the biggies. But it still leaves some questions unanswered, so I'd like to answer those now. Connor is Oz's son. And that's not ever going to change. Oz is the man he'll always call Daddy."

Xander closed his eyes, unable to look at her. His mind was racing and he had to remind himself to breathe.

"But, he loves Xander too. And so do I."

His eyes snapped open.

"And so, if it's okay with you, Xander, I'd like it if he could call you Daddy too."

Tears spilled down her cheeks, matching his. "Willow…" he stood and went to her side.

"And, I was wondering if you'd consider letting the baby we're going to have call you Daddy too."

***  
According to Buffy's report, the library suddenly became a madhouse. Neither Willow or Xander heard it; both so caught up in each other.

"You're sure?"

"Alexander Harris? Will you marry me?"

"I thought you were too shy to tell me how you felt."

"High school was a long time ago. I've grown up a lot since then." She touched his cheek, bringing the tear to her lips. "Will you?"

"How soon? Is tomorrow too soon?"

She laughed, sniffing back her tears at the same time. "Maybe a little too soon."

He leaned forward and kissed her, his lips trembling from the emotion between them. Pulling away an eternity later, he looked at her intently. "And the other? I thought you couldn't?"

"That's what they thought. They were wrong."

"I guess they forgot to take into account this was us?"

They smiled at each other then at the assembled crowd. But their voices were only for one another as, before their lips met, they whispered in unison, "And this is the Hellmouth."


End file.
